OK I NEED TO VENT! SCREAM KICK, YELL, PUNCH, ETC!! WHATEVER IT TAKES TO GET RID OF THIS ANGER!!!!! I just can't take it anymore!! But you would think that I would have learned my lesson by now! I just can't stand two-faced, double crossing, back stabbing people!!!!! Since this kind of bull crap has been happening to me since elementary school you would think that I would stop trusting people by now. Well, in most cases you would be right. But no! I still CAN NOT trust! I probably only have enough people (outside of family) that I can trust and can count on one hand. Let's start with the big one. I have 5 co-workers. 2 of them are not involved in this. They are innocent. Co-worker #1 went to have a colonic done and came back the next day ranting and raving about how wonderful it was and wanted the rest of us to try it. So co-worker #2 and #3 asked me when I got into work that morning if I wanted to go do it with them. By now the 3 of us tellers have worked together for over 2 years and have gone through alot together and I thought that we were finally at the point where we were good friends. So of course I said yes. Well, I waited for 2 days to see if they were going to call and make the appointment for 3 people. The 3rd day I had a 1/2 day since I had to work Saturday. Well, guess what?!?!? When I got to work, co-worker #3 and I were balancing the vault and she told me that her and co-worker #2 called and that the place to do the colonic's was extremely busy on Saturdays for quite awhile so she said that she was going to go one day after work and that co-worker #2 was going to go one day after work, making me think that they were going to go on seperate days. Well, they never bothered to call any other place. You can't tell me that the one place that co-worker #1 went to is the ONLY place in the ENTIRE KANSAS CITY, MO AND KANSAS area that does colonics!!! But I was ok for a moment or 2...........until the next day when the subject came back up and co-worker #1 said "I can't wait for you 2 to go on Tuesday to have your colonic's done!" I immediately looked right at co-worker #3 and said "I thought you said that you 2 were going on seperate days?!?!?!" I have been pissed off more than you can possibly imagine since I heard that!!!! Now here it is Tuesday and co-worker #2 comes down sick and can't go (aaawww poor thing). Now they have no choice but to go seperately (darn the luck). But co-worker #2 said to me today that they never meant to exclude me (you could have fooled me) and she said that IF all goes well, when she has her's done tomorrow that she will more than likely go have it done again, and she is still willing to go with me on a Saturday because she will be able to then schedule the appointment for a month out (what is wrong with scheduling the first one a month out? Or even calling a different company?). I don't think that I can ever trust again. Wouldn't you have the same problem? And excluding me is not the issue here. I think that they are totally missing that. The point is that they LIIIIIIIIIEEEEEED to me!!! I HATE LIEING!!!!! Second issue I am having is the lady that is SUPPOSED to be my personal trainer. I was introdced to this company called Melaleuca (fantastic products regardless of what she is doing to me). This woman told me that as long as I bought into the company that I get her as a personal trainer for free. Now yes, she does live a few states away, but that is the benefit of both of us having AT&T and both of us having the Iphone 4. We can do facetime when I am working out so that she can watch me. A plus right? WRONG!!! I started working with her March 1st and I have not heard from her in over 2 weeks. So I stopped working out. I think that just like with my co-workers I played right into her hands. She got me where she wanted me and then stomped all over me. CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!?!?! WHY DO PEOPLE DO THESE THINGS TO ME AND WHY DO I LET THEM?!?!?!?!?!

why do people think they are better than everybody else

O.k. I just don't get it. Why do people think that they are better than everybody else. In the last 4 of my days, I have been around people who think that they are sooooooooooo much better than the rest of the world. First of all, my ex-brother in law had passed away and Saturday was his funeral and gravesite funeral. The visitation and funeral was in Raytown and his gravesite funeral was in Atchison, Kansas. The visitation went beautifully and so did the funeral except for the pastor never showed up, so the pastor of the fire station had to perform the funeral. Everyone had nothing, but wonderful things to say about Gary and how incredibly smart he was. But the best thing of all was that since the Gilliland's were my sister and I's ex in laws was that everyone was being very respectful.

That was until after the gravesite funeral. My sister, her husband, myself, my neice and her boyfriend had all rode in my car up to Atchison. We attended the gravesite services and before we left my sister went to ask Gary's middle daughter Jan (from a previous marriage) a favor on behalf of my neice (Gary's youngest child and my sister's only child). The only thing she said to Jan was could you please not take Draco to South Carolina with you? Could you leave him at the house so that Sammy can see her dog whenever she wants? For some reason, Jan took offense to this and immediately started yelling at my sister accusing my sister of thinking that Jan didn't care about Sammy. And from there Jan's best freind started in on my sister. Well, you can only imagine what happened after that. My sister couldn't believe what was happening, so she tried to walk away, but then Jan's friend came after my sister and my sister tried to hold her ground, but then Jan's friend grabbed my sister's shoulder's and pushed her. That is when the husband's interveined. So now you have 3 wives and 3 husband's all yelling at each other. This whole time I was in the car watching this, but when I saw Jan's friend getting up in my sister's face that is when I got out of the car and I tried to go and calm everyone down, because that was just disrespectful, especially at a funeral.

Then there is my co-workers. Sheri decided to have a meeting about some things that she says she "has been slack on". One thing Sheri always does is asks if there is anyone that has anything that they want to say. So of course Heather and Amanda start speaking up and mentioned things that I know for a fact that they were referring to me on. One thing is when my family calls. O.k. first of all they have no idea how many times I have told my son and my husband to quit calling me when they are having trouble with each other. Even when I have a customer I have told my son let me call you back later, but it seems like they just don't catch the hint. Then there was yesterday. Amanda and Heather got busy with CD's, but there wasn't anything that I could do about it; Sheri had called me into her office for my yearly review. We were in the middle of that. Then Heather mentioned about my reactions when it comes to like bad news or telling customers about what is going on in my life. For starters I have a few customer's who I am friends with and they are the only ones that I talk to about things like that, not anyone else. Then about my reaction towards bad news, when my sister emailed me and said that the hospital was "terminating treatment" of my ex brother in law, I immediately grabbed my phone and went into the vault room to find out what she meant by that, but she was busy with a customer, so she didn't see that. All she saw was my reaction after I came out of the vault room (after I got off of the phone) with my sister.

So tell me; why is it that people think that they are better than everyone else? How do I get past this and get everyone to see that they are only seeing half the picture?

O.k. Let me start out, by saying that I am definitely not on here nearly enough. I am dealing with so many different things right now you just can't imagine. I talk most of the time with a co-worker that I can trust, but before long she won't be closing with me anymore and I will have a new co-worker that I will be closing with, and it is definitely to soon to tell if I can trust her with secrets or not. That will have to be something that will have to be observed first. Lately I have been dealing with my manager a lot. I don't think that she really knows how to talk to me like a grown adult. Since when is it o.k. to talk to a 39 year old woman like she's 12? I mean come on now. Let's grow up. Then I have to turn around and deal with the same attitude from my husband. I get tired of people accusing me of things. Usually it's either stuff I haven't done and they are saying that I did, or it's stuff I did do and they are saying that I didn't. Like tonight for instance. My husband went into the kitchen to get a second helping of dinner and that is when I was done eating so I just went ahead and took my plate in the kitchen and put it in the sink. Later when I went to get up and go wash the dishes he started complaining that I didn't take his plate into the kitchen when I took mine. I told him that I had taken my plate into the kitchen while he was getting a second plate and he had the adacity to look me in the eye and tell me that no I hadn't. HOW WOULD HE KNOW?!?!?! HE WASN'T EVEN PAYING ATTENTION!!!!!!! Same thing at work: The ATM or the Vault (don't remember which now) was off. The ATM had to buy money from the vault, so of course tickets have to be made. Each for the same amount. One IN ticket from the ATM and one OUT ticket from the vault. Sheri accused me of running 2 out tickets for the same amount to the ATM. Why would I do something like that? When I told her that I hadn't she said then why is there 2 of them in Image Research? I don't know the answer to that, but I know for sure that I DID NOT run 2 out tickets from the vault. There is no purpose for that. Jack Henry is very good at messing up all the time. There have been times before where they have screwed up my work, I get accused of it only for them to eventually find out that I was telling the truth. Then after all of this: I have lost my checkbook. I went into my manager's office to ask for advice on what to do, and the only thing that she could say to me is "What's wrong with you lately? You have been going around not knowing how to do certain things that you should know after being here for 6 years". Now you tell me: Does that have anything to do with my checkbook? These are just 2 isolated incodences that I am dealing with. There have been so many other days that she makes me feel so inferier. I told my co-worker that I was at the point today of just throwing my keys at her and walking out that door. Why do people have to be so mean? This is why I wish that I could just be blessed with a life that is financially stable enough that I don't have to work. I want more than anything to be a stay at home mom, but my husband and I can't afford it right now. We have 1 house payment, 2 car payments and 1 child in his senior year (the most expensive) and we still have another child going on 11 so his teen years are right around the corner. I need my job right now. Jobs are so scarce that I just can't afford to quit and find another job. Not to mention thousands of others that are definitely more qualified than I am. So what do I do? On www.dailymile.com I have joined a challenge where you have to have positive thinking for the next 10 days. How am I able to do that when I can't even keep from crying?

Why?

First of all allow me to introduce myself. My name is Cheryl. I am a mother of 5 (kind of). My oldest is my step son Wes. He is 24 years old. The next one is Kirsten. She is 19 going on 20 in July. Her, I had to give up for adoption. She has had a wonderful life. Next child is Jonathan. He is 18 and going to be a senior this year. Next child is Barbara (we call her Bobbie). She is 17, and a pain in my backside, she also has gender issues. My youngest is Miles and he is 10 going on 11 in September. He is trying to grow up so fast. My husband Alan is my second husband. The father of my 3 youngest is my first husband. His name is Tim and just as big a pain as Bobbie. They are only the beginning (and minor) part of my stress level. I guess my biggest problem is not knowing how to let go of things. My sister tells me I have to learn to push past things, but that's easier said than done. I have always had a problem with people. I love people, but it seems like I get burned by so many of them. So how am I suppose to go on trusting people if I keep getting burned. For example: growing up I was that kid that everyone loved to make fun of. I was that kid that other's would say one thing to, but then in reality they would do another. I was that kid that everyone talked about behind their backs, and then they would pretend that nothing ever happened. To this day, I still have problems with that. I see co-workers having conversations with each other through emails, so that I won't know what they are talking about. Or I will see them go into an office and talk, but as soon as I come around the conversations stop. I mean, come on now. We are all adults here. Another problem I seem to have is not having a true female friend. Every single time I try something always happens between us that is unforgiveable and we no longer remain friends. My sister is my closest friend right now and I wouldn't trade her for the world, but sometimes a girl just needs other fremales to hang out with. Maybe it's because I have NEVER had a true friendship with either one of my mother's. I was adopted. I lived with my birth mother until I was at the age of about 5 or 6 and then from there I was in the system until the age of 8 when the couple that would later become my parents took me, my brother and my sister in. We were later finally adopted when I was 12 years old. I have never had a relationship with my birth mother even after getting to meet her again in 1991 when I was 21 years old. I found out then why we could not stay living with her, and believe me when I say it would NOT have been a good childhood at all if we had. I am glad for the life that I have had with my parents, but our way of thinking is totally opposite and that is what has caused a lot of our friction. My father passed away in 1993. I miss him so much sometimes. I lost my brother 5 years ago from kidney failure. Him I really miss all of the time. But me and my mother have really never seen eye to eye on a lot of things. As a matter of fact just recently we have started talking again after not speaking to each other since my marriage to my first husband and I broke up. My mother is old fashioned Catholic and does not believe in divorce, nor does anyone on her side of the family. My first marriage broke up because my ex was becoming extremely verbally abusive and I couldn't take it anymore. I told him that I didn't want to be married anymore and that until I could afford a place of my own I was going to start dating. I did start dating and that is when I met my current husband. We started dating and it was getting pretty serious when about 1 month into the relationship my ex kicked me out of the house, and away from my children. He then ran to my mother and lied right to her face. He told her that I had taken off. That I didn't want to be a mother. I was devastated because SHE BELIEVED HIM! That was 10 1/2 years ago. We are finally talking again. But back to my relationship with co-workers...as we speak 3 of them are in a office and laughing and joking about nonsense. Most of it I am sure is because of my feelings and the fact that I am blogging my feelings. Why do people have to be so mean? I mean isn't blogging just like keeping a diary? Why can't the entire world just be nice to each other? Why can't people not tease, or poke fun at other people? So what if I am not one of those people that believe in being crazy happy and laughing all of the time? So what if I just like to feel neutral? Just because I don't have a massive dramatic? Why should you have to be dramatic just to make everyone else happy? I could go one with the questions, but I will save it for later. This is just the beginning of some of the things that bother me.